Five 3D Movies That Might Get You Pregnant

Posted by Gia Manry on May 14, 2010 in Cinema |

Uh...are you SURE this one is mine?...

Her name may not be Mary, but one Jennifer Jhonson (if that’s a typo, I can blame it on TechEye) claims to have conceived a child in a fashion that could be called…”immaculate”? Or perhaps just “desperate.”

See, when her hubby Erick came home from a tour in Iraq he found his wife pregnant– but according to her, there was no earthly father. But rather than laying the child at the feet of a holy deity, Jennifer claimed to have been impregnated as the result of watching a 3D porno flick.

Perhaps even more amazingly, Erick has proven as willing to take this explanation was as Joseph a couple thousand years ago. But let’s face it– 3D films have been around longer than the current trend. In fact, many of the following films are old enough that they could theoretically have “fathered” you and me. So without further ado: five 3D flicks that might impregnate a female viewer!

Kiss Me, Kate in 3D (1953)

1. Kiss Me, Kate (1953)
A ’50s version of a Shakespeare play may not imply hot and heavy romance to some, but not only does Taming of the Shrew feature one of the most sexually-charged relationships of Shakespeare’s career– that of the titular Katherine and her would-be suitor Petruchio –but this film version of the Cole Porter musical also takes flirtatious sister Bianca to a new level. Consider some of the lyrics from Bianca’s “Always True to You Darling, In My Fashion”:

If a custom-tailored vet
Asks me out for something wet,
When the vet begins to pet,
I cry hurray!

Rawr.

Adam and Six Eves poster (1962)

2. Adam and Six Eves (1962)
It seems to me that a man who digs for gold in a desert is a moron…and the film’s writer may even agree with me, given that the role of narration went not to our hero, but to his donkey. On the other hand, if that man instead finds six hot, naked women to romp around said desert with, maybe he’s got a better idea than I’d think– assuming it’s not all a dream, of course. Unfortunately, while this erotic adventure WAS filmed in 3-D, it was only released “flat,” so I suppose it’s immune to any paternity suits from the general public…for now.

Captain Milkshake poster (1970)

3. Captain Milkshake (1970)
Okay, I admit, the only reason I initially included this film was because I wanted to make a “his milkshake brings all the ladies to the yard” joke. But Captain Milkshake is actually…a complete and utter ’70s hippy-fest. Our hero, a marine named Paul, comes home from Vietnam on leave and gallivants around dealing drugs at a commune with the hippies. The film’s tagline? “Love Can Happen When You Are Free.” Oh yeah.

The Man Who Wasn't There poster (1983)

4. The Man Who Wasn’t There (1983)
If you REALLY want to know what 3D film could impregnate a woman…badum-ting! This adventure comedy features a fella who accidentally stumbles upon a formula that will allow whoever uses it to become invisible. Thankfully he uses it to get away from the military, who of course want to get their hands on the stuff– and he gets INto a ladies’ dressing room, among other such locations.

Encounter in the Third Dimension poster (1999)

5. Encounter in the Third Dimension (1999)
The ’90s were, for the most part, a completely dry desert as far as 3D films went; virtually everything released was a special event item for smaller audiences, showing in theme parks or museum IMAX theaters. As such, this last one was a tough call– there were a lot of great titles I could have thrown out. Into the Deep, I Lost my M in Las Vegas…I must say that Siegfried and Roy’s The Magic Box was a strong contender.

But given that we’re talking about a unique, er…”encounter” with a 3D film, 1999’s Encounter in the Third Dimension won out. Unfortunately, however, the flick is actually a documentary on the history of 3D film– certainly up some peoples’ alleys, but not much of a mood-maker for most, alas.

These are just a few of the many, many films that have been made in 3D over the past five decades, as documented by this invaluable list of 3D films, chronological and illustrated.. Is there a particular flick that could have fathered YOU? (For me it would have to be The Man Who Wasn’t There– or maybe Jaws 3D.)

Gia is a professional writer currently based in San Francisco, CA. She loves being followed on Twitter.

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