24 Patriotic Achievements of Jack Bauer

Posted by John Martone on May 25, 2009 in Television |

24 Patriotic Achievements of Jack Bauer

If there’s one thing I know, its that the United Fictional States of America owe more to Jack Bauer than any other American Figure. Washington? Beat up British tea drinkers. Lincoln? Preserved a Union… once? Nearly singlehandedly, Jack Bauer has saved us from biological attacks, nuclear weapons, and manipulative First Ladies. While in no way a complete account, I’d like to highlight 24 such accomplishments. Oh yes, and spoilers fly like candy…

Season 1:
Season 1: 24 Patriotic Achievements of Jack Bauer

Personal life: While it hasn’t always been sunny, Jack’s life seems to be on the right track. Good job, well respected, and even his rocky marriage is beginning to patch itself together. This last item might lead to tension between former lover/co-worker Nina Myers, but nothing they couldn’t get over. Of course, his wife and daughter are being held hostage, but I’m sure he’ll save both of them at least one of them.

Season 2:

Personal life: Hard times in the Bauer household. Jack hasn’t been working. Kim isn’t talking to him either, on account of, well, you know… Like in most seasons, Jack balances the careful job of being a father and counter-terrorist. Expect sparks to fly when a mid-season crisis forces Nina Myers back into the spotlight.

Season 3:
Season 3: 24 Patriotic Achievements of Jack Bauer

Personal life: Don’t stop the pain train. Kim took a job at CTU, which makes Jack openly torturing people that much more awkward. This is compounded when Jack realizes his partner is her latest boyfriend! Sure hope nothing bad happens to him… Oh, and Jack’s a recovering heroine addict now, due to an undercover operation.

Season 4:
Season 4: 24 Patriotic Achievements of Jack Bauer

Personal life: So what if CTU fired Jack, who need’s ’em? Living a slightly quieter existence, Jack’s got a posh position working for the Secretary of Defense James Heller. Heller was recently nominated “Least likely to be abducted,” and thusly affords Jack ample time and opportunity to sleep with his Heller’s daughter. Sure, she’s still married, but that won’t cause any waves…

Season 5:
Season 5: 24 Patriotic Achievements of Jack Bauer

Personal life: Sure, he lost the job, the girl, and the president approved of the decision to kill him, but Jack is probably happier being “dead.” Under the alias of “Frank Flynn,” Jack is living with his new, new girlfriend Diane Huxley and her son Derek. This season opens with a bang… that kills off most of the people Jack has ever cared about. Will Jack’s middle management boss give him the time off to save the world?

Season 6:
Season 6: 24 Patriotic Achievements of Jack Bauer

Personal life: As if things could get worse, Jack starts this season in a Chinese jail. His daily beatings and interrogations get put on hold as it appears Jack is the only man who can stop the bad guys. Worst part, all signs point to his family being explicitly involved in this mess.

Season 7:
Season 7: 24 Patriotic Achievements of Jack Bauer

Personal life: Sure, the government doesn’t want Jack dead anymore, but now they want to arrest him. Coming back into the country to stand trial for the number of times he saved them, Jack unwitting is drafted into an attempt to find his old buddy, Tony Almeda. Picking up new tricks, not only has Tony learned “play dead,” he also learned “be evil” and “lead a terrorist cell.”

John Martone is Texas based writer bent on creating odd plays. When not doing that he disassembles plot lines for the enjoyment of the internet.

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